Lately, I don’t feel like I’ve been having very many good days. I just received what I’m feeling like it’s really bad news.

I will be brief and will have to explain more at a later time.

Dad lost health benefits due to involuntary part time status.

Lots of paper/admission paperwork.

Mom’s going through PD dialysis. Lots of ups and downs.

One of dad’s medications is estimated to be $800 a month! Holy cow!

I’m now lost. Help me find my way?

K, Thx, Bai

Mom: You’re making me eat all this tofu, I’m going to become tofu.

Me: No you won’t *smiles*

I’ve been putting a lot of time into taking care of my mom lately. If I’m not taking care of my mom, I’m working. (Gotta pay bills and stuff, ya know.)

When I’m home, I don’t want to do anything other than sleep. I have no motivation to do anything for myself. I just seem to be tired and exhausted all the time. I’m constantly thinking about sleep to the point where I think to myself that if I don’t wake up, I’ll be OK with that. I’ve probably mentioned that already in another posting, but it’s one of the things on my mind lately. There are other times when I want to trade places with my cat. LOL! Just so I can sleep all day and not worry about anything other than food.
Anyways…where has my motivation gone? Why can’t I put in the same amount of time and effort I put in other people into myself? *Sigh*

K, Thx, Bai

I’m feeling very defeated right now.  My mom is being stubborn and doesn’t want to do everything I need her to do.

I need her to eat more tofu to boost her protein to help her get through this infection.

I need her to take better care of her exit site wound.

If anything happens to her, I’ll feel SUPER bad and will probably blame myself for all of this.

All I want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. =\

K, Thx, Bai

I feel that my life is officially over. I’m heading towards becoming a full time care giver for my mom. Is this what I’m meant to do with my life right now? There are days when I want to be selfish and say, “Screw you, I’m going home!” And then just drop all of my responsibilities. Then again, it’s my mom’s life that’s on the line here.

Please keep praying for us.

K, Thx, Bai

(As I’m driving into work…)

Me: Hello?

Mom: Where did your dad put my binder?

Me: I don’t know. I haven’t talked with him this morning. How am I supposed to know where he put it?

[I love how my mom thinks I know EVERYTHING. LOL!]

K, Thx, Bai!

Started my morning off by taking my ma to her appointment. Got gas and a car wash. My parents were nice enough to give me the $3.00 to wash my car and help me vacuum the inside. I think my mom enjoys cleaning me car : -)

Then I helped my parents pack my brother’s crap. Ate lunch with my parents. Then spent the rest of the afternoon driving my dad around town running his errands on his birthday. So, I was glad I could do that for my dad. On our journey of errands, I bought my dad a new printer cause his broke coincidentally today. After the errands, my parents cooked dinner while I put together the new printer.

We eat.

Then I trained my dad on how to use the copy and scan functions of the printer.

Then helped my mom sort out the DVDs that she wanted us to make.

Packed up my crap and drove home.

I’m now wondering why I lead myself to believe that I will have some me time to myself? I don’t even have kids yet. Do I just have poor time management skills?

Tomorrow morning, we go to our dialysis training #1.

Another long day.

K, Thx, Bai

Hello, my name is Tina and I fall asleep while driving. I know what the solution is, but I’m having trouble executing it.